Marriage

[zorro]

For my 1000th post here on MH, I thought that it should be about something special. And for me, marriage is something very special. It seems also apropos for me to start this thread on marriage since this year marks my 25th year of being married to my wife and the mother of my children. I have seen marriage dissed several times here on MH, but I have also seen others who hold it in high regard. I thought that a thread dedicated to your particular views on this subject should be started and so here it is (if done previously, please forgive my oversight).

No single post can contain everything that someone thinks about marriage, and so, just contribute a thought or two in each post, and then post more later in another post. We will not all agree, but let's all try to be civil (I am saying this to myself, as much as anybody else here).

Here is one way that I look at marriage:

We all want intimacy. By this, I mean that we all want to be able to be open and honest, completely transparent with someone. We all want to be with someone with whom we can be emotionally "naked", and with whom, we don't have to put on any airs, but where we can open up with our deepest secrets and longings. Such a relationship though is very risky. It makes you vulnerable. And yet, to be this way with someone, it seems, is something that we need and desire. On the other hand, we don't like being hurt. We don't like being vulnerable. We want "our secrets" and "our feelings' about certain things to be expressed to someone, but to the someone of our choice. We don't want certain things "public". Again, I come back to the picture of being "naked" or transparent, utterly trusting someone. And wanting to have that one other person understand where you are coming from and accepting you, even if they disagree with you at times. And we want this other individual to be this way with us as well.

Now, this intimacy just spoken of above, comes with risks. And to have true intimacy, and to be truly intimate with someone else, you must know that it is an exclusive relationship. You must know and believe that what you have shared and been transparent about in secret is not going to be shared and made "public" to others. It is a relationship of trust and an exclusive one at that. True intimacy of which I speak requires exclusiveness.

And this exclusiveness cannot be just for a week or two. It cannot be just for a month or two. For us to be truly intimate and trusting and vulnerable with someone, we must believe that the relationship is exclusive and that the intimacy is going to be permanently exclusive. We sometimes fool ourselves into thinking that it will be when we are not in relationships designed for permanency, and thus, many get extremely hurt and bitter when they have been deceived (either by someone else or by themselves) into thinking that the relationship was permanent and exclusive.

Thus, marriage is really essential to mankind. It is the place where God has ordained true intimacy in an exclusive and permanent relationship.

Jesus said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall became one flesh?' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."

[carsalesguy]

well said zorro....well said

[Conveyor Belt]

I think all this can be done without marriage, Zorro. If not for our arriving son, and the need to show we were married for many legal and economical reasons, my wife and I would still be happily living together unmarried. Instead, we are happily living together married.

I don't understand fuzzis repulsion to the idea of marriage( that's just the ideas I get from reading your posts).

My wife and I were married by the fountain by city hall at 8pm one night by a unitarian lady who was willing to not use the word 'god' in our ceremony. I wrote the ceremony and she performed it.

However, being 'married' doesn't really mean anything to my wife and I, as we have considered ourselves 'married' for some time before making it 'official'.

The marriage ceremony and the legality of marriage is something I think should go away. marriage is in the soul of two people, not in a ceremony or a legally binding contract.

So, in a way I agree with you, and in a way I disagree with you. You put God into everything, while I remove God from everything.

[58ford]

I was married once, and don't get me wrong. when it works it's great.
My wife & I had just gotten back from a great vacation. I thought I had a great marriage. I was content. we had a nice house nice cars, a sailboat.
Then she wakes me up one morning & says, "I want a divorce." She says she's not where she wants to be in her life. and in the state of MS with this no fault divorce thing you can just up and leave any time you want. So I'm a little calloused about the whole marriage thing. But, for those of you in a good one MPTY. I have a significant other now that I think will stay with me. I'm Happy & I try to make her so. We both are shy of marriage, but who knows?

[dave06668]

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx

[Leonidas]

God has certainly blessed me with a wonderful wife. The Bible compares marriage to the relationship between Christ and the Church ( Believing Christians). A good passage that comments on this thought is Ephesians 5:22-33. A good marriage has unconditional love and plenty of forgiveness. A willingness to sacrifice your rights for the good of the other and for the marriage. A commitment is required, but the results are worth it. My parents were a great model for me. I would die for wife. In my opinion, I have the greatest wife out there.

[58ford]

A man's only as old as the woman he feels. - Grouch Marks

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. - Grouch Marks

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. - Grouch Marks

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. - Grouch Marks

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. - Grouch Marks

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Grouch Marks

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Grouch Marks

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. - Grouch Marks

Women should be obscene and not heard. - Grouch Marks

[fuzzis]

I don't understand fuzzis repulsion to the idea of marriage( that's just the ideas I get from reading your posts).



I'm not repulsed by marriage...I just don't see a real need for it these days. And I have no need to become subordinate to another person, or to conversely dominate another person. I see very few marriages that are true partnerships; it's usually one person who calls the shots and another who follows, which doesn't do a whole lot for me. When you add in the number of folks who are both physically and emotionally "cheating" on their partners, it just doesn't make much sense to me.

Much like the issue of children for me, it would take the exact right person. I haven't found him yet. There have been a couple that I thought were it...and a couple who thought they were it and asked...but we were honest enough with ourselves to realize that it wasn't something that was going to work long-term.

fuzzis

[justme]

I have been married- most of the time it was a happy marriage, but I am not married now. I will get married again, only this time, I will learn from mistakes in the past.

I don't think that by being married I am subordinate to another person, and I don't think that I am being dominate to someone else either. I think it is a give and take situation, that just comes along with how any relationship works. I mean any relationship- between two friends or between to people who are romanticly involved and in a committed relationship. You must have compromise.

[iheartellisons]

i guess im just old fashion...but i think marriage is something to look forward to...to share your life with someone who wants to share their life with you...but again i guess im just old fashioned that way.

[zorro]

You put God into everything, while I remove God from everything.
Well, I would just say that I choose to recognize the presence of God, and you choose not to do so. And thus, I recognize that God has joined you and your wife together, and I truly hope that your marriage will be blessed by Him "till death do you part". I also hope that both of you will experience the blessing of knowing Him through Christ at some time in the future. This will truly be the blessing of blessings for your marriage and for all other parts of your life as well. :)

[Southern_Belle]

I really love Susan Sarandon's quote in Shall We Dance ... "We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness." - Susan Sarandon

Like Iheart, I too look very forward to marriage and am excited about spending the rest of my life with one person. I will get to be his witness.

[Southern_Belle]

I am not sure about her marriage. But the quote was good. Whether she meant it for her personal life - I do not know. However, it was a good fit in the movie.

[Bahlk]

Been married 11 years, have one child and one on the way. I can truly say my wife's my friend because if she wasn't she wouldn't put up with my sh**.

[dave06668]

Would someone please pass me a hanky:smt022

[Conveyor Belt]

I'm not repulsed by marriage...I just don't see a real need for it these days. And I have no need to become subordinate to another person, or to conversely dominate another person. I see very few marriages that are true partnerships; it's usually one person who calls the shots and another who follows, which doesn't do a whole lot for me. When you add in the number of folks who are both physically and emotionally "cheating" on their partners, it just doesn't make much sense to me.

Much like the issue of children for me, it would take the exact right person. I haven't found him yet. There have been a couple that I thought were it...and a couple who thought they were it and asked...but we were honest enough with ourselves to realize that it wasn't something that was going to work long-term.

fuzzis

I've never really seen a marriage like the one your describing outside of a TV show. If anything, it's the man who's bowing to the whims of the women, not vice-versa. I'm sure you have a first hand account of the situation, and that's help shape your view.

I couldn't have the life I have now without my wife. She's my better half. I'd rather spend time with her than anyone else in the world.

[fuzzis]

I really love Susan Sarandon's quote in Shall We Dance ... "We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness." - Susan Sarandon

Like Iheart, I too look very forward to marriage and am excited about spending the rest of my life with one person. I will get to be his witness.

One can be a witness to a life...and fully commit to another person...without a marriage. Susan Sarandon's real life is evidence of that.

I've never really seen a marriage like the one your describing outside of a TV show. If anything, it's the man who's bowing to the whims of the women, not vice-versa. I'm sure you have a first hand account of the situation, and that's help shape your view.


You'll notice that I was not gender specific. Either way, it is not my definition of a partnership or a commitment, and it's not something that I want for myself.

fuzzis

[sidelinetolong]

After 25 years she still gets to me! A good wife is a blessing for God, I thank him for mine every day.

[kevin]

This thread is really a nice change of pace.This is what we live for right?Happiness.I was married in June at 39.I hope I'm as fortunate.

[iheartellisons]

my grandparents just made 51 years...they bicker every once in a while, but i sure hope i can find what they found.

it seems like the norm nowadays is to get married too young and get divorced, or just get divorced. whatever happened to staying faithful and no matter what til death do you part? coming from a broken home is not fun. watching my parents over the years has taught me some valuable lessons about life and love...think long and hard about my decision because im only doing it once and its gonna be for the long haul! "Til death do us part" are not just words i will say at a ceremony...

[Maggie-Doodle]

Well, come Jan. 25, 2007, my hubby and I will have been married 37 years! Has it always been fun? Has it always been easy? NO...but we love each other and try hard to please the other...help each other and be there for each other.

I must say that it was especially hard the first 20 years because he was gone probably 85% of the time because of his job...nothing ever went wrong or broke until he was on the west coast somewhere or in Canada somewhere, 4000 miles from home! BUT we always hung in there.

After he retired about 12 or so years ago, we began to become better friends. We have talked more in the last 12 years than we did in the first 20. He had 4 major heart attacks about 10 years ago....since that time we have really gotten close....we do everything together nowadays. When he had his heart surgery he died three times on the operating table, then after the doctors said they doubted he would make it he did. He had many complications in the immediate days after the surgery and was hospitalized for several weeks. I never left his side...God surely had something in mind for him on this earth yet. I am just glad he is here and we share our love and dreams together..I have surely been blessed with a friend and confidant.

[zorro]

This thread is really a nice change of pace.This is what we live for right?Happiness.I was married in June at 39.I hope I'm as fortunate.
Congratulations on your recent wedding! I assume that your avatar is a picture of you from that event. I hope that God blesses you and your wife with many happy years together. However, even the best of marriages requires a lot of work, sacrifice, and forgiveness. And it definitely requires commitment regardless of how you feel at a particular moment. Feelings are great, but they are not to be the ruling principle in your life. Too few spouses remember their vows "for better or worse . . . till death do us part." As Maggie-Doodle has noted, it won't always be fun or easy, but stay committed to the best interests of your mate anyway.

[zorro]

it seems like the norm nowadays is to get married too young and get divorced, or just get divorced. whatever happened to staying faithful and no matter what til death do you part? coming from a broken home is not fun. watching my parents over the years has taught me some valuable lessons about life and love...think long and hard about my decision because im only doing it once and its gonna be for the long haul! "Til death do us part" are not just words i will say at a ceremony...
iheart, you are absolutely right! Coming from a broken home is not fun. In fact, it is a tragedy.

When you get married, you have to begin in earnest to really consider someone else (your spouse) above yourself. When this is not done, the marriage gets into trouble in a hurry. This is something that we are not naturally accustomed to doing. We naturally have our own interests as our priority, and in a good marriage, this must change (though it is usually a gradual process).

Children up the ante in a marriage. When children are added to the mix, the selfishness of the parents must be even more mortified, and the best interests of the children must always be considered. As a parent, you have an incredible responsibility, because you have been entrusted by God with the care of your child's life and the molding of his/her character. Too many parents continue to act immaturely and selfishly, and they exhibit to their children more love for something else than they do for them. If for no other reason than the children, parents should learn to love each other and get along. Children should not the sacrificial lambs of the selfishness and self-centeredness of their parents.

[LipsofanAngel]

I've found this discussion of marriage to be quite intriguiging... My humble opinion- It's easy for me to see why so many find marriage unnecessary or even a joke. To me, this is because of what society has made it... something that people choose to enter and exit as they wish. Somewhere along the way it's lost its meaning. Can 2 people live together and be completely in love and happy without being legally married? Sure. But for me personally I get so excited to think that one day (hopefully) I will be with the person that I want to be my life partner... and we can express our commitment before all our family and freinds. Just think, when you do or buy something that you're really proud of- then you want to show it off and tell others your good news! To me, this is the purpose of a marriage ceremony.
On a different note, I really feel sorry for the many people that fall in to the southern mentality trap that in order to be considered a fulfilled and validated person, then you should be married or at LEAST engaged by the time you're 22! I can not begin to express my frustration over the amount of people I run in to from High School or distant relatives who act amazed that I am not married by now (I'm only 23 btw). I wish south MS society would realize that EDUCATION and SELF-FULFILLMENT should come first! Rather than being scorned, I'd love for someone to say "good for you" when I state that I am happily single with no plans for marriage anytime soon, but that I am pursuing an anvanced degree for the time being.
Because marriage is so special, I am willing to wait. I am waiting until I have done all in life that I want to do as a single individual... and most of all, I am waiting until I am with the person that I know without a doubt I want to share my future with despite how much I may want to kill him at times!
Congrats to all of you who have been blessed with a good marriage!

[58ford]

Sappy romance story.
My Great aunt back during WWII worked for Western Union. The Govt. picked her for an espionage job because they figured she was such a redneck she couldn't possibly know any Japanese, and she knew how to use a teletype machine. For several months they locked her in a vault with a teletype for 8 hours a day. periodically they would give her sheets of paper with what looked like random letters & numbers on them & she would enter them in the machine. Sometimes sheets of random letters & numbers would come out of the machine & she'd put them in a n envelope. Well this got boring so one night she typed in who are you? My uncle typed back, I can't tell you. Thus a four month conversation began.
After the war ended My great grandad drove my aunt to new york city to marry the man she'd talked to, but never seen. They were married for 63 years.

[zorro]

Sappy romance story.
The world loves this kind of sappy romance story. Heck, so do I.

[zorro]

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30.
And a couple of more relevant verses from Proverbs:

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.(12:4)

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels. (31:10)

[zorro]

(this was posted elsewhere earlier this week, but I thought that it belonged here as well)

I've known some horrible marriage situations that God has turned around. How has this been possible? Only by true repentance and true forgiveness.

What is repentance? Well, true repentance will involve both repentance towards God (who is the primary one sinned against in any sin) and repentance towards others that have been hurt by your sinful actions.

It involves 4 things besides true sorrow for your actions. It also includes saying in effect the following:

1 - I was wrong!! No excuses! If there is no admission of guilt, there is no repentance. And these heartfelt words, "I was wrong", are the 3 most difficult words for us to say.

2 - What I did was ______________________ . The blank must be filled in with exactly what was done or said that was wrong. The reason that this is important is that a person must know what exactly he was wrong about. If he fills in the blank incorrectly, then he must be confronted with exactly where he was incorrect and shown where he exactly was wrong. If he then doesn't admit that, yes, that is what he was wrong about, then again, he may not be repentant about what he should be repentant about.

3 - What I should have done was ____________________________. The blank this time is filled in with what his correct action or response should have been instead of what he did do. This is necessary because a person needs to admit that he not only did wrong, but that he didn't do what God would have wanted him to do in that situation. It is also saying that if ever that particular situation ever arises in the future that he will respond correctly instead of how he responded this time (and which he confessed was wrong above). This particular step makes a person think carefully about living differently than in the past. If he doesn't know what is the right answer here, he may need help from someone (you or someone else) to help him understand it.

If he has admitted that he was wrong unreservedly without excuses, and if he recognizes where he was wrong, and if he understands what should have been correct actions and responses (rather than what was done) and states that by God's grace he will strive to avoid repeating this sin and will rather strive by God's grace to do what he knows is right instead, and you agree that he does appear to be truthful in what he is saying and understanding, then we are ready for the last step

4 - Will you forgive me? He must ask for forgiveness. And if he does truly repent and ask forgiveness, then granting it must be taken seriously!

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. -- Matthew 6: 14-15

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness involves not allowing the sin or evil performed against us to stand any longer as a barrier in our relationship with another. It includes not bringing up another's sin or offense ever again by the grace of God. It involves:

1- not bringing it up to them

2- not bringing it up to others

3- not allowing yourself to bring it up in your own mind to think about and dwell on.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. However, with the passage of time, bad events can be as good as forgotten if there is true repentance and true forgiveness.

He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven. -- Lord Herbert

Our forgiving others will not procure forgiveness for ourselves; but our not forgiving others proves that we ourselves are not forgiven. -- John Owen

The glory of Christianity is to conquer by forgiveness. --William Blake

Of him that hopes to be forgiven it is indispensably required that he forgive. It is therefore superfluous to urge any other motive. On this great duty eternity is suspended, and to him that refuses to practise it the throne of mercy is inaccessible, and the Saviour of the world has been born in vain. -- Samuel Johnson

Once a woman has forgiven a man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. -- Marlene Dietrich
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[pEtAl mIsFiT]

I am happy to say, that God has abundantly blessed me with the man, in which I am married to today. We are now going on ten years. I am still very much in love with him as the day I said "I Do". My vows are sacred and something he nor I take lightly. I thank God for him often. He still gets to me. We have the best marriage in my opinion. I love our laughs, talks, hugs, and oh so much more.
You might of read in a post before... he had me at here ya go....
In his wedding band I had engraved "My Inspiration" He Inspires me to be a better woman, wife, friend, mother, and lover.

[SouthChic]

My husband and I were married in August of 2000, and at that time, I never thought I could love him any more than I did on our wedding day. Boy was I wrong. I love him more now than I did back then, and my love for him only grows with the passage of time.

As Maggie said, it hasn't always been easy, but life itself isn't always easy. Do we give up on life when we feel it fails us? No. We press on and become a stronger person because of our experiences in life. That's how it's been in marriage... we grow with one another.

I think the most important thing in a marriage is to keep God in it. Then, I would suggest that you never try to change anyone. That's what unconditional love is all about, accepting the person for who they are, completely, strengths and weaknesses. It's my place as a spouse to love my husband unconditionally and pray for him every day, that God would mold him into the person HE wants him to be, not the person 'I' want. That's my prayer for my husband.

We are truly blessed that God brought us together.

[Astra]

On a different note, I really feel sorry for the many people that fall in to the southern mentality trap that in order to be considered a fulfilled and validated person, then you should be married or at LEAST engaged by the time you're 22! I can not begin to express my frustration over the amount of people I run in to from High School or distant relatives who act amazed that I am not married by now (I'm only 23 btw). I wish south MS society would realize that EDUCATION and SELF-FULFILLMENT should come first! Rather than being scorned, I'd love for someone to say "good for you" when I state that I am happily single with no plans for marriage anytime soon, but that I am pursuing an anvanced degree for the time being.
Ughh, what you said. I cannot count the number of otherwise-intelligent girls I have know over the years who caved to that pressure and ended up miserable. It's apparently okay for a young man to bounce from girl to girl, because that's just "boys being boys," but girls are supposed to get their hooks into one and drag him down that aisle if necessary. There's even a wedding cake topper out there of a bridge with her groom by the shirt collar as if she'd dragging him - yeah, one of those in an otherwise serious ceremony really sets a good tone, doesn't it? :smt102

I'm not real gung-ho about the whole "sanctity of marriage" thing - to me, it's really just a legal status and if the couple wants to take it as a stronger bond, good for them, but I don't think a ceremony is going to change the feelings that are there from the start. I think that putting too much importance on maintaining that bond of marriage about all else discourages people from getting out of legitimately bad marriages.

For for too many people, especially my age, marriage is just a social status event, a chance to go, "Hey, look at what WE can afford!" and nothing more. I know one or two couples whose relationships were in trouble while they were engaged, but they went through with it just because of the amount they had already invested in the ceremony and to save face socially. It's ridiculous. If you think you NEED a string orchestra, a couture wedding gown, and rings that cost more than your first house in order to get married, you need to reevaluate your priorities in life.

[dollfus46]

I have been married- most of the time it was a happy marriage, but I am not married now. I will get married again, only this time, I will learn from mistakes in the past.

I don't think that by being married I am subordinate to another person, and I don't think that I am being dominate to someone else either. I think it is a give and take situation, that just comes along with how any relationship works. I mean any relationship- between two friends or between to people who are romanticly involved and in a committed relationship. You must have compromise.

I was married once. Cost me a quarter of a million dollars to get out of it, and she was cheating on me! Cheap price to pay, but I can't afford another. It'd take me more time than I have left to learn to trust another woman with my life again. Ian, my Golden Retriever, is all I think I need now. He depends on me and I never let him down. He never lets me down.

[dollfus46]

i guess im just old fashion...but i think marriage is something to look forward to...to share your life with someone who wants to share their life with you...but again i guess im just old fashioned that way.

Good for you, Heart. Wonderful to hear that attitude. I truly hope nothing causes you to ever lose it. Eveybody deserves happiness, fewer find it.

[dollfus46]

I really love Susan Sarandon's quote in Shall We Dance ... "We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness." - Susan Sarandon

Like Iheart, I too look very forward to marriage and am excited about spending the rest of my life with one person. I will get to be his witness.

I understand your love of the Sarandon quote. And the words in that script are inspiring. I just find it ironic that it should be written for Sarandon to deliver. That's Hollywood.

[dollfus46]

Hey sbelle,

That is an interesting quote. If I remember correctly, Sarandon and Tim Robbins are not married. I could be wrong.

I do think that whoever wrote that for Sarandon to memorize and recite was a wise person.

Exactly, I just posted a similar response. She is not married to Tim. She was married to Chris Sarandon once. Then as her career floundered she started sleeping around with a filmmaker named Malle. It was only then that her second career (:) ) began to take off. She never married Malle. Now she's with Tim Robbins. And some women are willing to do it for $20 but they don't look as good.

[dollfus46]

My wife is my best friend. I would feel incomplete without her.

Sounds like you've found it. Congratulations. You are one of the fortunate few.

[dollfus46]

One can be a witness to a life...and fully commit to another person...without a marriage. Susan Sarandon's real life is evidence of that.-Fuzzis.

Yep. Committed to Chris Sarandon until she got a taste of acting. Then committed to Malle to further her career. Now she's committed to Tim Robbins. That seems like a lot of commitment to me depending on how you count 'um.

[fuzzis]

One can be a witness to a life...and fully commit to another person...without a marriage. Susan Sarandon's real life is evidence of that.-Fuzzis.

Yep. Committed to Chris Sarandon until she got a taste of acting. Then committed to Malle to further her career. Now she's committed to Tim Robbins. That seems like a lot of commitment to me depending on how you count 'um.

She's coming up on 20 years. What more do you need? :roll:

fuzzis

[amanda]

Lonestar - check your PM

[LoneStarGirl]

Lonestar - check your PM

You know how odd it was to come across this in the middle of a thread...but I checked it and responded. :smt038

My parents divorce was final on their 30th wedding anniversary. My Mom stayed until I left for college (I'm the youngest) and then decided she had no reason to stay anymore. She stayed with him for 30 years for her children. It's amazing to me how people look at marriage now. My husband and I were just married 12/30/06 and we both plan on it being our 1st and only marriage. I know most of you are thinking after less than a month of course I feel this way. We've been together for over 6 years now and fall more in love each day. He has gotten me through some of the hardest times of my life (including my parents divorce) and I'm not sure where I'd be without him. He's my rock, and we depend on each other for everything because that's what a marriage/relationship is...a partnership. I'm sorry that my parents marriage didn't last forever, but you show me a woman today that would stay with a man she was miserable with for 30 years just so her children wouldn't grow up in a broken home and could have the things she wouldn't have been able to give them otherwise. I have more respect for my Mother than anyone in this world. And although my parents marriage didn't last forever, it taught me more than I ever imagined it would about how to make a marriage work.

[firefly]

My husband & I have been married for over 21 years. It is not the first for either one of us, but it is the last. He is my soul mate & I am his. Is it easy? No. Marriage takes work, but anything worth having is worth working for. We are a team. I would gladly lay down my life for him & he would do the same for me. I am a blessed woman to have such a godly Christian man for a husband.:)

[nooskye]

... I have more respect for my Mother than anyone in this world. And although my parents marriage didn't last forever, it taught me more than I ever imagined it would about how to make a marriage work.


I have the utmost respect for your mom LoneStar!! That is a tough task to undertake ... couldn't begin to imagine how she did it. I tried for all of about two years to hang in there with my oldest's donor ... for her sake, but if I hadn't have left, then I'd probably be in jail for murder and my baby would be raised by him ... wasn't going to happen. I am thankful for my husband (1st and only) for stepping up to a plate that wasn't his and taking care of this little girl like she is his own. She may not have her "father" but she sure as heck has her "daddy" now :) Watching Lyn with these girls makes me fall all over again every single day ... especially when he's got the baby :D :smt054

[justme]

What is it about men who are good with kids that makes them so Sexy and loveable?

[jmb]

What is it about men who are good with kids that makes them so Sexy and loveable?
Everything!

[Hermione]

Because they're kind and unselfish?

[Hermione]

I wanted to say something else about fathers, if my dear Hermione will agree not to sic the post police on me :)



The other night we went to eat with some friends of ours. They have a boy who is my daugther's age and we think they "like" each other.

When we got to the door of Chilli's, she arrived first and then just looked at him. Finally he said, "what?" She said, "this door isn't going to open itself you know." He said, "oh," and then opened the door for her. She expects that level of treatment because she sees me treat her mother in that way.




You have done your job well!!

[firefly]

I have the utmost respect for your mom LoneStar!! That is a tough task to undertake ... couldn't begin to imagine how she did it. I tried for all of about two years to hang in there with my oldest's donor ... for her sake, but if I hadn't have left, then I'd probably be in jail for murder and my baby would be raised by him ... wasn't going to happen. I am thankful for my husband (1st and only) for stepping up to a plate that wasn't his and taking care of this little girl like she is his own. She may not have her "father" but she sure as heck has her "daddy" now :) Watching Lyn with these girls makes me fall all over again every single day ... especially when he's got the baby :D :smt054Nooskye, any man can be a father(or sperm donor) but it takes a very special man to be a Daddy. Your Daddy might not be your biological father, but it is whoever raises you, loves you, puts food on the table for you & a roof over your head, & is there for you through the good & the bad, that is your Daddy. There are not alot of men who would raise another man's child as their own--they are few & far between. My husband is one of those rare men. He has raised my son since he was 2 years old & he is the only Daddy that my son has ever had. He loves him as much as his own flesh & blood. Souinds like you found one of those rare jewels of a man yourself. Count your self blessed. I know that I do.:)

[nooskye]

I wanted to say something else about fathers, if my dear Hermione will agree not to sic the post police on me :)

Fathers, especially fathers of girls, often completely miss out on how important they are. Whether we want to admit it or not, many women base their future male relationships off the relationship they had with their father. They base their expectations on how they should be treated on how they see their father treat their mother (if the marriage is still together).

The other night we went to eat with some friends of ours. They have a boy who is my daugther's age and we think they "like" each other.

When we got to the door of Chilli's, she arrived first and then just looked at him. Finally he said, "what?" She said, "this door isn't going to open itself you know." He said, "oh," and then opened the door for her. She expects that level of treatment because she sees me treat her mother in that way.

Anyway, I think if more fathers in this country would "step up" then we'd really see a huge impact on our society.


I tried to give you rep for this Doc, because alot of "men" don't view any of their children in such a light, much less their daughters. Thank you for bringing your baby girl up showing her how a man is suppose to treat a lady. :smt038 I wish many, many more would follow your lead ... Kudos!

On a side note ... I loved for my dad to brush my hair growing up ... it was the only way I got "my" attention when he was home trying to give out love to four kids and my mom ... as long as he didn't try to *fix* it ... I still have nightmares over the one time I let him give me a "do" ... :smt119 ... I remember telling him that maybe he should just focus on disarming bombs and leave the hairstyling to the girls :D

[nooskye]

Nooskye, any man can be a father(or sperm donor) but it takes a very special man to be a Daddy. Your Daddy might not be your biological father, but it is whoever raises you, loves you, puts food on the table for you & a roof over your head, & is there for you through the good & the bad, that is your Daddy. There are not alot of men who would raise another man's child as their own--they are few & far between. My husband is one of those rare men. He has raised my son since he was 2 years old & he is the only Daddy that my son has ever had. He loves him as much as his own flesh & blood. Souinds like you found one of those rare jewels of a man yourself. Count your self blessed. I know that I do.:)


I couldn't agree with you more firefly ... Lyn is truely a God Send :) He's been our saving grace from the moment we met and I'll cherish him for the rest of my life because of everything he goes out of his way to provide for us, even though it's second nature for him :) Makes me love him even more!!!