Help! Advice needed from group

[amanda]

Okay. Right now I'm feeling like the most worthless mother around. My 7 year old has been plagued for some time with strep throats and has had sinus problems since he was born. During the last 3 weeks I have been in and out of doctors offices trying to get my child well. 2 weeks into antibotics and my internist suggested seeing an ENT. I took him and the doctor said that he needed his tonsils and adenoids removed. He rated his tonsils from a scale of 1 - 4 (4 being the worst) as a 4+. His tonsils actually touch. So, I scheduled the surgery which is going to be Friday. Now my ex has called from Texas and has questioned my decision to have the surgery. Apparently he has talked to a ENT doctor friend of his who has suggested that I have rushed into having the surgery.

Am I a bad parent for wanting my child well? The ENT doctor I have, who will be performing the surgery, has suggested that once my son has the procedure, he will bloom. It is his thought that for years the tonsils have been harboring bacteria and flares up into an infection once my son's immune system goes down a little.

I apologize in advance for taking thread space for this topic, but I'm sitting here wondering if I'm wrong and am harming my child and could use any advice out there.

Thanks.

[carsalesguy]

do whatever you think is right.....

if you have a good ENT doctor that is certified and has gotten a lot of referrals from other doctors, then you don't have anything to worry about....

but if your in doubt, go and get a second opinion from another ENT doctor at a different office.....

[selmore]

Regardless of the decision, you are not "harming" your child. So stop saying that. Remember....God "said" it and it "became" it. That's sometimes true with us too. So, stop saying it.
Make the right decision, and move forward.
Just think of the ex's questions as sincere questions that you can easily explain. If you can't easily explain, ask your doctor to call him.
Good Luck

[Maggie-Doodle]

amandah, Like carsales says, if you have a good doc, DON'T worry about it. IF you have doubts seek a second opinion.

I don't think it is fair for your ex to say something like that. HE is not with the child and don't know what you have done trying to get him well...I don't think a doctor worth his salt would or should tell someone something like that especially since he hasn't checked the child. I'd be done told the ex to kiss my a**! It is not good for anyone to stay on antibotics all the time...your child will become imune to them and when something else comes along where he needs antibotics it will be hard to find one that works.

[iheartellisons]

my little brother had the same problem and he def. got better when his tonsils were removed - they were huge, too big for his throat. tonsils do play a big part in haboring bacteria - do whats in the best interest for your child and if that means surgery then that means surgery

[OLDLADY]

#1......don't ever feel like a worthless mother, ever. You are doing the best you can to get your child well by taking him to the doctor. And by the way, if I were you I would have to say to the ex something along the lines...Dear, since you nor I have that medical degree thing and I am taking him to someone who does, work with me here....we can get a second opinion, true and you are more than welcome to drive on over here from Texas and we'll meet at which ever doctor's office you choose to get that second opinion and then take it from there! But otherwise, looks like surgery is scheduled for Friday. Wanna be here? Thanks.......sorry but I do get a bit sarcastic at times. I am not aiming it toward you, just the situation of your ex not cooperating and making you feel bad.

[Astra]

Worthless mom? Heck no. You've been taking care of the poor kid and trying to do what's best. Unless your ex has a medical degree, I'm going to trust the ENT more than him - especially since tonsil removal is such a common procedure.

[58ford]

Off the subject of surgery, but my Dr. a long time ago told me when I got sick (I was also plague by strep & sinus infections) to throw away my toothbrush every day & use a new one. It really does speed up the recovery process.

[nooskye]

Amandah ...

There's an old saying that is so true ... mama knows best ... and as much as I hate to admit it, my mom would love to know that unfortunately ... 9 times out of 10 ... she does!! And so do you!! God has given all mothers this sixth sense when it comes to our babies and sometimes, there are tough calls to make and some that are just as plain as day ... you just have to listen to it.

To me ... my kids' health comes in 2nd to nothing. When my oldest was right at 1 yo ... she had kept an ear infection for about 9 months straight ... her donor (lol ... yeah, you read that right) had issues with her having to be put to sleep to have the tubes put in ... and then there was the issue of why I 'let' her stay that sick to begin with ... This was after I don't even know how many doctor visits and antibiotics and it took me a long time to understand that I didn't let her do anything, I did alot more than other parents would have and that some kids just need the very common procedure to help them stay well ... I later learned that if i didn't have the tubes placed, then the fluid would have kept building and building and she'd be deaf by now ... to me, this is a 'plain as day' decision ... tell him you guys can argue over braces ... or something else not medically neccessary ... but right now YOUR decision stands and do what's already doctor reccommended for him ... by his doctor ... if YOU don't feel it's right ... get another opinion of your choosing ... not your ex's.

[dollfus46]

amandah, Like carsales says, if you have a good doc, DON'T worry about it. IF you have doubts seek a second opinion.

I don't think it is fair for your ex to say something like that. HE is not with the child and don't know what you have done trying to get him well...I don't think a doctor worth his salt would or should tell someone something like that especially since he hasn't checked the child. I'd be done told the ex to kiss my a**! It is not good for anyone to stay on antibotics all the time...your child will become imune to them and when something else comes along where he needs antibotics it will be hard to find one that works.

I'm with Maggie-Doodle here, Amandah. I'm stunned that some doctor would diagnose from miles away having never seen the child. He's dangerous. Trust your doctor. That's what you pay him for. Makes no sense to spend the money to go to a specialist if you aren't going to take his advice. And your ex should have said the same thing. Tell him to butt out. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he just still not trying to be the puppeteer here and work the strings. Or could it be he as a financial stake in this deal? I probably shouldn't judge him, but I can't understand a father not saying get my kid to the doctor and do whatever you need to to get him healthy and happy again.

[Tully Mars]

Man, it is hard enough being a parent (mom or dad) without having to deal with someone making you second guess decisions that are made in the child's best interest. I would have serious doubts about a doctor miles away making a call like that when he has not even seen the child's medical history much less seen the child himself.

If you have been dealing with this issue for this long then your ENT knows your child's history and is making a recommendation that he believes is in the best interest of your child's health. Doctors do not tend to recommend surgery lightly and without good reason, even minor and routine surgery.

I say yank the tonsils, get the kid a big bucket of ice cream and pat yourself on the back for being a good, caring and loving mommy to your little boy.:smt038

[Hermione]

Amandah, please get a second opinion as someone suggested above. I worked with doctors at one time (a while back) and there are some who believe that the tonsils may prevent infections from spreading further. However, if you get a second opinion you will have peace of mind about your decision. As for your ex and the long-distance diagnosis, there's no telling what the doctor may have actually said to him. They try to be careful about giving advice when it's not their patient. Also, isn't it good that your ex cares about his child enough to get involved in the situation, even if the two of you disagree. That tells your child that Daddy is at least interested, and that's an important message.
Whatever you decide, all the best to you and your baby.

PS that was also good advice about getting a new toothbrush after any kind of cold or infection.

[Conveyor Belt]

Although it's common to remove tonsils, they are there for a reason. They are the first line in your body's defense. They take the punch instead of the body.

I'm in favor of keeping all the parts together, but it's not my child, and I haven't had to deal with the situation you've dealt with. Luckily, my child, who's also 4, hasn't had strep or any other illness.

You're in the position to make the call, but if you're second guessing yourself, read up (http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/id/QAA27941) on it as much as possible so you can ask the doctor the right questions.

[talkizcheap]

As a mother of a 7 year old myself, please hear this--- I stuggled with the VERY SAME DECISION exactly ONE YEAR AGO. I can say that I am beyond pleased with the decision to have the surgery, as the results were EXACTLY what my son needed. Please know that I can say without a doubt that it was the BEST decision for us and we've had few dr. visits -- actually only ONE sickness in 11 months. THAT's been a dramatic improvement for us.

I'm thinking about you!!!

[selmore]

Mom takes her child to Dr.
Dr. says...tonsils must go....
Dad says..."I'd like a second opinion"
Dr. says...."Your ugly too."

[MC69TA]

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio
When I was a kid, I asked my Mother for a Bubble Bath, so she brought the water to a boil!
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof
It's not easy being me. When I was born the doctor told my mother I did all I could, but he pulled through anyway.
I'm so ugly - My mother had morning sickness - After I was born.You know my Doctor, Doctor Vinny GoomBots... I called and told him I had a bad case of diarrhea. - He put me on hold!

I told my doctor I wanted a vasectomy. He said, with a face like mine, I don't need one.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
I was so ugly... When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother!"
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom...
The Late Rodney DangerfieldEpitaph on his tombstone: "There goes the neighborhood."

[selmore]

Things are so bad, I wonder if 4 hours of begging counts as foreplay

[daisy]

I had my tonsils taken out in 3rd or 4th grade for the same reasons your child is going through. I did a lot better afterwards. My parents followed the advice of their doctor that knew my history and that they trusted.

Hang in there.

[firefly]

Amandah, you are not a bad Mother! If the doctor said that your child's tonsils need to come out, they need to come out! Tonsils are like a filter for the body. But when they become diseased, they need to be removed. I am am a retired cardiac nurse & I know what I'm talking about! It is easier on a child than it is an adult. I was 28 when I got mine out & they were so diseased that the doctor told me that they bordered on being cancerous. I had to stay in the hospital for a week. Don't give your child ice cream when he has the surgery, give him popsicles instead(but no red ones):)

[amanda]

Thanks so much guys and gals! I took my little one to another doctor this morning and he concured with my ENT doc. I called my ex and told him the news. He was still telling me that I was trying to rush the surgery and I told him to bite my a_ _ and keep his in Texas. It should be a very interesting couple of days. Thanks for all the wonderful support! I really, really do appreciate it! I'll let ya'll know how it goes. Again, many - many - many thanks to all!

[58ford]

Glad to help.:smt023

[OLDLADY]

Good luck and God Bless tomorrow..........You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

[Maggie-Doodle]

Good luck tomorrow! You both will be in my thoughts and prayers...as soon as you get a chance, let us know how things went...we will all be anxious to know that surgery is over and recovery has started!

Don't forget to stock up on popcicles!

[amanda]

I'll let ya'll know tomorrow evening how things went. Leaving work today to go stock up on all the goodies! Thanks again everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

[dollfus46]

Things are so bad, I wonder if 4 hours of begging counts as foreplay

No. But it burns calories and then you're so tired you hope she doesn't change her mind. I report this from personal experinces. (Plural)

[dollfus46]

Thanks so much guys and gals! I took my little one to another doctor this morning and he concured with my ENT doc. I called my ex and told him the news. He was still telling me that I was trying to rush the surgery and I told him to bite my a_ _ and keep his in Texas. It should be a very interesting couple of days. Thanks for all the wonderful support! I really, really do appreciate it! I'll let ya'll know how it goes. Again, many - many - many thanks to all!

ATTA BOY, GIRL!!:smt038 :smt038 It's going to go fine. The little one will do much better than you will. :) Been there, done that.

[amanda]

Just a note to everyone -

thanks for all your prayers - Kelly breezed through surgery like a champ and is already eating chicken noodle soup with a gusto. Doctor (in front of ex) told us his Tonsils & Adnoids were in horrible shape and that they definitely needed to come out. Already seeing a remarkable change in the way he feels already.

Again - thanks for all the prayers, they truly worked and I felt all your best wishes today.

[Hermione]

What good news! Thanks for the update & all the best!

[58ford]

:smt023

[Maggie-Doodle]

So glad everything went well for the both of you. After y'all get some rest I am sure you both will feel better! Keep us posted!

[nooskye]

good deal ... glad the little one is doing better!!

[Astra]

Glad he's feeling well again :D

[HoneyBun]

Glad all went well.