Best filter for "tweens" on the net

[pinkytuscadero]

Please advise me on a good filter for my computer. My boys are using the computer before I get home.

They have discovered My Space. I have to approve their friends as it comes through my email & I see their messages. I have their password so that I can get on at any time. (That was the agreement).

Problem: Lots of links on the site and links on other funny sites lead to the "wild" sites. I went to my Norton antivirus/firewall and didn't see how I could parent control.

Any suggestions?

[aaron]

Here's a comparison of the top internet filters

http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/

[TheKing]

posting this question on the boards suggests you would want advice from anybody who reads it...as such...i plan on dispensing my own type of advice now

screw a filter

be a parent...have the discussions...let them screw up...have more discussions...let them screw up again...take the modem with you to work so they cant get online.....

set the boundaries...give them the opportunity to cross the boundaries so they can learn what happens when they do

im a firm believer that internet filters while someone is first exposed to the internet leads to an active and robust online deviance once that filter is removed...

besides...if your kids are savvy at all, theyll figure out how to get around those silly filters...when I was working at the schools, they used some godawfully expensive filter at the state level and it took me about 10 minutes to figure out how to get around it so i could check my myspace page.

if after all that, you want to stop them from accessing sites...send me a PM and i'll tell you how to make your own internet filter using the HOSTS file that I guarantee they will almost never figure out. And it's free.

[TheKing]

google has a native filter on it which will get rid of those things....by default

you turned it off

at any rate...that line of thinking is the ostrich syndrome...

just because you cant see it doesn't mean it isnt there -- and doesnt mean it wont have to be dealt with at some point.

[Butterball]

I'm at odds with what to do regarding children 'surfing' the net. I walked in on the kids the other day - they were on a site they had been shown at school in Liftoff - and I was shocked at what they were reading / watching. I shut them down - immediate! Talking may do some good but the only way I think I can stop them from 'seeing' much of the stuff out there is be with them whenever they want to surf. Unlike some of you, I am not computer literate enough to keep up with the kids these days on the computer (they have the distinct advantage of growing up with the computer and networking with other kids who are fearless and indestructible when it comes to technology - AND that's what it takes plus time - to become proficient with the machine and all it can do. I've already tried to raise four children who leapfrogged ahead of my abilities quickly. All my efforts went into talks and observation. They now are grown and 'go' where they want in their own homes but I can only hope my parenting abilities, morals, and ethics plus the strong religious upbringing make them able to make the correct decisions when it comes to what technology opens up to them.

Hey, isn't that what parents did for us before computers? The difference is the type of 'opportunities' we faced as we got older...................
Nothing will replace parental involvement and nurturing - be it filters, passwords, etc. (realize - there is always someone out there who is working to break the security / locks that others come up with to try and protect us).....As I was told when I was young, "Locks are for honest people." Sounds like same song, different day............

[Butterball]

Oh, BTW. When my kids were coming up, I did block several channels on the TV so they couldn't (and I couldn't either) watch things I felt didn't need to enter the home....... So, they went to friends' houses to 'see' what I didn't want them to see (and questioned me regarding why they couldn't see MTV at home - ha). It opened up discussion about values, etc. Lock your computer so that you have to sign them on and monitor what they do on the net ------ best thing is to be the 'parent' ---- also the toughest (but who said raising children was easy?).

[amanda]

The biggest deterent to children getting on sites you don't want them to see is involvement. I have friends who have computers in their children's room and never bother to go in and see for themselves what their children are viewing. Involvement is the best filter there is for a parent.

And Butterball is right - whoever said raising a child was easy didn't have children.

[pinkytuscadero]

OK -I feel "challenged". How do I "lock" it? Do I go to windows log in?

King-I agree with you about the ostrich and the teachable moments. But sometimes, it could be a big accident.
One of the most embarrasing things that ever happened to me -I had a lady over to help me with a decorating project. I told her I had found a rug like what she had described. I didn't remember what it was exactly but I put in something like "Asian decor". Anyway, this picture flashed up of an asian women with something in her behind.. I was mortified and felt the need to explain that Mr. Pinky and I don't normally look at Asian porn or any porn for that matter.

I really want it to stay off while I am work. That way, I can see what is going on and discuss from there.

Pinky

[TheKing]

fair enough...

i would simply enable passwords from the system user controls for every user and you physically log your kids in when you or your husband is home from work.

[Astra]

If you want to keep them off it while you are at work, just unplug it and lock the cord up.

Don't be too aggressive with the efforts to filter it. If you go overboard, your kids might feel like they've done something wrong or that you don't trust them, and especially at that age that's not a fun thing.

I started using the internet when I was 12 or so. At first my parents only allowed me to go to sites from a book of mostly kid-friendly sites. Eventually they let me use search engines and when I was older I had a computer in my room (but it wasn't connected to the internet until I was in high school).

One of the very first lessons I learned (and they learned, too) was that no matter how careful you are, sometimes bad stuff is going to come up. It's no different than driving down a street in an unfamiliar neighborhood - you might turn a corner and find yourself passing strip clubs. You might pass an accident scene with blood still on the road. Nobody wants their kids exposed to bad things, but no piece of software, nor the combined efforts of parents, can entirely shelter them. Google Image Search does have a "safe" filter, but even it doesn't catch everything. I've had it on and still had things slip through the cracks. It happens.

Your kids are going to take their cues to how you react to it. If you explain to them "I'm putting this software on the computer because sometimes gross stuff comes up that will get in your way," then they might be less likely to see it as "I'm doing this because I can't trust you."

I'd recommend giving them limited time and a crash course in internet use. Not just the "don't give out personal information" stuff, but how popups spread and how to recognize advertisements that encourage kids to click on them. Tell them what you don't want them looking at specifically, but let them know if something comes up as a surprise that it isn't their fault and just to close the window and go somewhere else.

[pinkytuscadero]

King,

I just reread your other post and saw "take the modum to work". I never thought of that.

[TheKing]

my mom used to take all sorts of stuff of mine to work that i wasnt supposed to be using unless they were there...well...usually it was when i was punished or something

keys to my 4 wheeler, my huntin guns, the nintendo controllers(i could turn it on...but no controller to play)...whatever she could grab would exist in the trunk of that thunderbird

you would be surprised how much i could do without some of those things once i got used to it

you never know...your kids might just go outside and find something to do and not worry about the computer once you bring it to work a few times.