Man Accused of Having Sex With His Bike

[Conveyor Belt]

http://www.sundaymail.co.uk/news/tm_headline=accused---of-having-sex-with-his-bike&method=full&objectid=19347288&siteid=64736-name_page.html

A MAN has been charged with having sex with his bike.

Robert Stewart was allegedly caught in the act by two terrified cleaners who walked into his bedroom in a hostel.

Stewart has denied the accusation, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The 51-year-old bachelor was charged with the bizarre sexual offence after he was disturbed by the cleaner and her colleague in a private hostel in Ayr.

The charge alleges he conducted himself in a disorderly manner, simulated sex with a bicycle and continued to do so while naked from the waist down in the presence of two female employees.

I love my bike, but not in that way...

[daisy]

http://www.sundaymail.co.uk/news/tm_headline=accused---of-having-sex-with-his-bike&method=full&objectid=19347288&siteid=64736-name_page.html



I love my bike, but not in that way...

Might be dangerous to offer the bike a cigarette after that....:smt102:smt023

I was going to say more but, I will refrain.

[timforjesus]

this is probably the most disturbing thing i have heard in about 2 to 3 months...

[ComputerDude]

So, I hate to sound like the lone-weirdo here but...
why is this a crime?
Will the bike need therapy for the rest of it's life?

[timforjesus]

it violated the bike's contract.. improper use... it will never be the same...

[Conveyor Belt]

So, I hate to sound like the lone-weirdo here but...
why is this a crime?


The same reason boinking a decaying deer's a crime...

[58ford]

Huh???

[Booshay]

2 questions: 1. Was it a boys bike or a girls bike and 2. If it was a boys bike, would that make him gay?

[TheKing]

slow news day

[58ford]

How do you have sex with a bike?????
I'm not getting a visual, and usually I'm real good with visuals.

[timforjesus]

i'm getting a VERY bad visual... not cool

[aaron]

this is probably the most disturbing thing i have heard in about 2 to 3 months...

It's definitely the most disturbing thing I've heard since lunch.

[58ford]

It's definitely the most disturbing thing I've heard since lunch.
Depends on who you had for lunch:smt118

[Bluesman]

So was the guy charged with "peddling" sex?:laugh:

Sure hope he didn't get caught up in the chain!!!! OUCH!

[ComputerDude]

The same reason boinking a decaying deer's a crime...Well that is/was a living animal and doing that can spread disease and...well..err.
It's a bike. I mean, surely most guys have had plenty of sex with a pair of socks, or a towel or whatever else they can grab at that moment. Why is a bike any weirder?
Not to say it's not weird because, it is.

There's no way I can come out of this thread sounding normal, is there?

[58ford]

I mean, surely most guys have had plenty of sex with a pair of socks,
Socks, dude?......socks?

[Bluesman]

There's no way I can come out of this thread sounding normal, is there?
Nope. Would you like a shovel so you can dig yourself out? :smt023

[ComputerDude]

Socks, dude?......socks?Sure. Didn't you ever see American Pie? :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

[mac]

Stewart has denied the accusation, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

A misunderstanding indeed.

[58ford]

So, I gather that y'all think he got drunk & mistook his bike for an apple pie?

[Bluesman]

I'm wondering if it was "safe" sex... I mean was he wearing a helmet... I didn't see that issue ad"dressed" in the report.

Talk about gettin caught with your pants down...:laugh:

[ComputerDude]

So, I gather that y'all think he got drunk & mistook his bike for an apple pie?No I was more referencing the scene where his parents walked in on him with the sock over his junk.

[timforjesus]

about 6 months from now i expect the bike to become pregnant with their first child sue him for child support and become the poster children for the freakiest looking children on God's green earth...

[ynotme297]

could it be that it had a flat and he was just pumping it up.:laugh::laugh:

[Kitty]

2 questions: 1. Was it a boys bike or a girls bike and 2. If it was a boys bike, would that make him gay?

Maybe if it was a bike with a banana seat.

http://www.caffeinerush.net/caffeinerush/A%20image/bananabiketexps.jpg

[eyescene]

I don't get it?! :cat: :dog:

[dollfus46]

http://www.sundaymail.co.uk/news/tm_headline=accused---of-having-sex-with-his-bike&method=full&objectid=19347288&siteid=64736-name_page.html



I love my bike, but not in that way...
I'd bet this is the same dude that was caught nailing the dead deer.

[dollfus46]

this is probably the most disturbing thing i have heard in about 2 to 3 months...

I ono, timforjesus. You musta missed Mike Ghallager's radio show today.:smt118

[EricStratton]

And now we know what CB really means when he says he's been "riding his bike to town".

[CircusRide]

So, he was caught with his handle-bar in the spokes? WTH? And did he really need a hotel room to "ride his bike"?

[EricStratton]

I don't know what the big deal is.....CB told me it is not uncommon to put a tube of KY on your chain....

[CircusRide]

CB just likes playing with his gears.

[timforjesus]

I ono, timforjesus. You musta missed Mike Ghallager's radio show today.:smt118

i must have... thanks for adding to my checklist of things to avoid...

[Bluesman]

I don't get it?! :cat: :dog:
No but apparently his bike sure as hell does!:laugh:

[Conveyor Belt]

I don't know what the big deal is.....CB told me it is not uncommon to put a tube of KY on your chain....

Don't lie, man...

You do have to grease the seat post and the stem, though. Lots and lots of lube. You don't want those things getting stuck in the hole after a few years, ya'know...

I do have some special lube for the chain, though. Supposed to keep the dirt and water out.

[Engelbert Humperdinck]

I love my bike, but not in that way...

I think I saw your bike out back with some Mexican guy, rubbing the tires, I think I overheard something about how you seem to be neglecting your "duties"...I don't know they were speaking Spanish, I think. Have you taken it off any sweet jumps?