what do you think i should do?

[big john]

I have told you guys at one time that i did believe in god,and then i changed my mind and said i didn't,
Here is the truth,deep down,i dont,but since mother died i want to believe that i will see her again,she was saved and nothing could sway her faith.
What should i do to make myself believe?should i go to church anyway?should I keep on reading the bible daily and just keep trying.
If i went to church and someone asks if i am saved and believe,should i say i do or be honest like I am doing with you guys?
If there is a chance that I could see ma again,I sure would want to.
Sorry if this sounds crazy,I might be.

[Hermione]

Don't try and don't push it. Just ask God to speak to you in His own time and way. In the meantime your friends will pray for you. You can't "make yourself" believe.

[timforjesus]

when it comes to God... honesty is the best policy... he already knows your situation and he understands like no other... keep your head up man... if you want to talk pm me

[Guru]

First off big guy: Always be honest.
Secondly: We seem to all be searching or hoping that something exists to explain why we are here and how it all happened. A bug beginning to walk just doesn't cut it for me.
Go to Books-a-Million one night, get a cup of weird coffee, get the comfortable chair and crack open a few of the books you will find.
There is personal empowerment in every positive thing you do in life.
When I think of my Mother I see in my mind a higher power and a good comforting Soul. I'm sure you feel the same way from what you just said.
The Bible is a huge history book. It's what we have. There is such a fight going on each day in our lives about whether it was simple science or was it God.
Personally I know if I lived longer than anyone else I would never know everything there is to know about science. The football team is too large, in masse there are many people to spread out and know all things pertaining to individual parts of science.
Would I be smart enough anyway? Who knows.
Emotionally and what people call spiritually, I know I have limits and I feel there is something much greater than me and when I get myself in a crack that higher power gives me relief and pets me when I am emotionally or otherwise on my knees like a child.
It's something for you to think about personally. Nobody in here or anywhere else can give you The Answer.
All good things come to those who wait ...
If it don't fit, don't force it ...
Maybe more than anything else you have reached a point where this is more important to you now than at any other time in your life. Little and large nudges in life are what cause change or a change of direction.
Follow your heart, for while your mind is powerful it will not always give you the path that you will follow in this life.

[cubby 1]

John, I would be honest with people when they ask you.

[eyescene]

Big John You should be honest!!! If that person can not handle it than it is their problem.

And I would continue reading the Bible, seek God for yourself and not to please others. Ask God to show you and be honest with God he can handle anything you throw at him. If you don't want to go to a church tell him and why. If you do, seek a church that teaches the Bible as close to the truth, as you believe it to be.

And Big John, I am so glad to see you posting again. I don't get around to all the threads so if I missed your posts oh well excuse me. I have had you on my mind.

[dollfus46]

I want to help so much, but I'm just not qualified. I'm not the one to lead you to the Lord. I can tell you this, John, you won't get there unless you seek Him. You have a lot of friends here that will help you along the way. I will put you on my prayer list. The entire congregation of Renfrew Baptist Church in Travelers Rest SC will be praying for you to find Him.

[KingMaker]

John

You're struggling with yourself right now. I've seen that in my own family. Be honest. Tell people that you are struggling, and ask for their prayers. You already have mine.

[Imapepper]

Prayer is still the best way to communicate with God. Sometimes just pouring your soul out to Him will give you the peace you need. Then, follow that up with finding a good church and begin to heal. I promise that if you are truly honest in your prayers, God will answer. If you don't mind, I will put you on our prayer list as an unspoken. God will know who you are.:bhug:

[Guru]

I want to help so much, but I'm just not qualified. I'm not the one to lead you to the Lord. I can tell you this, John, you won't get there unless you seek Him. You have a lot of friends here that will help you along the way. I will put you on my prayer list. The entire congregation of Renfrew Baptist Church in Travelers Rest SC will be praying for you to find Him.

* It says I can't rep you twice in a row so I hereby present you with the "Guru Golden Shield of the MH Core Citizen".

[big john]

If i am not saved,does the bible say he will still listen when I pray?

[Guru]

He will ALWAYS listen ...

[timforjesus]

the bible says that anyone who calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved... that's the first step...

[dasmybaby]

you have my prayers too Big John...God knows. you have nothing to hide. And I thank God everyday that He gave me a second chance to get it right... he'll do the same for you Big John, when you're ready.

from a biblical concordance...Revelations 3:20 I stand at the door, and knock - Even at this instant; while he is speaking this word. If any man open - Willingly receive me. I will sup with him - Refreshing him with my graces and gifts, and delighting myself in what I have given. And he with me - In life everlasting.

[threekidspa]

Ya'll are so awesome it isn't funny. I wish I could rep you all for helping him up when he needs it.

[big john]

I think I will start praying everyday for god to take my doubts away.
Thanks guys,this has helped.

[timforjesus]

In his presence is fullness of joy
and at his right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

[Sister Golden Hair]

Big John, I work with a local Hospice and I have seen many family members turn toward "something" after losing a loved one to try and ease their pain. Grief is difficult and we all approach it in different ways. Try to think of things that help you remember your mom when you and she were the closest.. Let your feelings out- if you feel like screaming, scream. If you feel like crying, by all means, cry. Write your feelings down; it will help you put them in perspective. Many feelings may come up that you are not expecting- roll with them. Please reach out to others who have lost loved ones- they have been there and can help you.

Most importantly, seek the comfort of the Lord. He is ever present. and... I am just willing to wager that your conviction now might be an answer to your precious Mother's prayers for you.

I don't know you, but if there is anything that I can do to help you, PM me and I will do what I can.

[kevin]

Perhaps Big John you should make two seperate lists,one that lists why you feel that God doesn't exist and the other a list of reasons you would like to believe in God.John,your mother is Gone and I'm so sorry I've been there and it was the hardest thing in my 40 years to do when I buried mine.I found myself hating God and could think of no reason to believe in him. I wrote a letter to my mom saying farewell amongst many other things I didn't get to say.I was even mad at her. I cried and cried hard.I think perhaps writting a letter to you mother might be helpful it was for me, I found my faith again.

[58ford]

This is only my opinion. I have lost faith more than once. Shut up. Go to a place you are comfortable. Be quiet. Try not to think about anything. Relax. Be calm. If you feel like it pray. Some people think praying is some kind of ritualized request for help, but really it's just an attempt to communicate. It can be no more than asking "Is anybody out there?"

[sparrow]

BigJohn, I can relate to your dilemma. I lost my precious mother back and the end of March to cancer after a long and valiant fight. I don't believe in God but try to live my life in a spiritual manner and respect all people. I'd really love to see her again as well as many others I know who have passed on. I keep her memories and her love in my heart, so I know she's always with me. You shouldn't be dishonest about your faith. Do what feels right to you as you struggle with your loss. Remember always to open your heart to all possibilities. Best of luck with your decision.

[Baloo]

Big John, the Lord is always there to listen to you... My prayers go out to you as you search for peace in your soul... I agree wholehearted with what 58Ford and the others have said... As the lines from one of my favorite hymns say, "Peace, peace be still"... Your sincerity alone says it all... Sometimes instead of reading the Bible, I pick up the hymnal and read it... There are some truly beautiful messages there that might help you in your search...

Big John, I hope that you don't take this the wrong way, because it is written with humilty and hope, but there have been times in my life when I have struggled with that question as well and when I do, there always comes a point when I have to ask myself "How did I wind up here? What happened to bring me down this road? What issues in life might I need to resolve or work on? What useful purpose can be gained from where I am and what I am doing? What can I learn from this to help others who may be struggling with the same things?"

I know that I am not perfect and that we all must work out some things for ourselves, but I just wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you... If there is one thing that I am sure of, it would be that just as sure as there is a Father in Heaven who knows us and loves us unconditionally, there is a Devil in hell who knows us equally as well, who knows our weaknesses and who preys on them to bring us down into the misery that he wallows in...

I know that in time, you will work it all out... And in the meantime, know that your friends here at MH care for you and are here for you no matter what...

[big john]

I do love those old timey hymns,they are great.

[Baloo]

Big John, sometimes they are the best scriptures in the world...

[dream member]

I love some of the responses you've gotten so far bigjohn- not much I'm going to say that could sound as beautiful, but I think deep down you'll know what's right and maybe this unfortunate tragedy was a way for God to reach out to you.

[Conveyor Belt]

Maybe the answer's not in the Bible, BJ. There are lots of different belief systems out there than just the Christian one. You can't force yourself to believe any of them. Well, you can, but it'll never feel right.

One of the happiest days in my life was when I let myself go from trying to force myself to believe in Christianity. It cause me so much turmoil in my life, trying to quell the questions without answers. Trying to make sense of things that didn't add up.

You have to do what's right for you. If that's Christianity, that's great. If it's another system, or no system at all, that's fine. You'll find a way to find peace with yourself and with the things that have happened in your life.

[eyescene]

The answer is in the Bible. As we yield to the Word of God, it produces THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT (which) IS LOVE, JOY, PEACE, LONG-SUFFERING, GENTLENESS, GOODNESS, FAITH, MEEKNESS, TEMPERANCE: AGAINST SUCH THERE IS NO LAW Gal 5:22,23

[selmore]

Make a call:
Dial........ Jeremiah 33:3

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah+33:3

[EricStratton]

I'm no spiritual advisor or Biblical scholar....but I can only speak from my experiences.....

bigjohn....I really appreciate your honesty because I have been in a similar "spiritual desert" myself, and really didn't have the courage to talk to anybody about it because most, if not all, of my friends and family at least claim to be Christians, or at least believe in God....

Not that I've been totally transformed (I dropped about 12 F-bombs yesterday in about a 30 second span when someone pissed me off), but, in the last few months, I've really experienced God in some ways that I never have before.....I'm not going to get into all of it....It has nothing to do with a new job or anything that superficial, but I feel like I'm beginning to see things from a different perspective.....Hard to explain....

God can be a strange dude/dudette....You've received a lot of good advice....from several different points of view....I don't believe any of us hold the "absolute truth" (although some would argue with me on that), but I do believe in a God and a Savior that desires a relationship with us, no matter how dysfunctional that relationship may be (just look at me)....That's why "Just As I Am" is my favorite hymn....I don't believe you have to go looking for God....He's waiting for you....come as you are... (damn! did I just quote Nirvana in a post about God? Maybe all those Kurt Cobain worshippers are on to something!)

I'm not sure what the whole point of my post is.....good luck to you....

[Elle May]

So much has already been said, good advice. Being honest with yourself first and foremost is the first step. I feel your pain as I lost my mother this last year also. I had another tragedy in my family a couple of years ago that has been a hard and life changing experience. The one thing that kept me from totally losing it was prayer. I don't ask why did this happen. I'm sure there is a reason(s), I may never understand but I do know that because of it I am a better person today and my faith is stronger. I'm sure our mothers fulfilled their purpose in this life and is in heaven looking down upon us. They are angels of God for someone in need. May God bless you during this stuggle. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[daisy]

Big John, I am sorry about the loss of Your Mother. I will keep you in my prayers. I agree with the others that suggest you be honest with others when you are cornered with those???s Are you saved? Why are you here?

I would hope people at a church would just welcome you and love and support you. I think they will.

All the ones I have ever gone to have some type of meet and greet or welcome. I have never had anyone put me on the spot in just the introducing during the service. Usually it is when you are talking after you know someone more.

I do think just being honest is easier and say you are searching or seeking the truth or God or the Lord. Whatever comes to you.

[Conveyor Belt]

Another one of my favorite Scriptures:

23But He turned and said to Peter, "Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but man's."

Matthew 16:23 (New American Standard Bible)

And I really like when Jesus said:

"I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." (Matthew 15:24)

[dollfus46]

* It says I can't rep you twice in a row so I hereby present you with the "Guru Golden Shield of the MH Core Citizen".

You, sir, are most gracious. I thank you and accept this award on behalf of all our Christian friends here.:clap:

[jessi_s]

Hey, I hope that this doesn't seem too forward for you, but I can kind of relate to what you're going thru with your ma's loss. 5 years ago this July I lost someone very near and dear to me and I blamed it on God. I was so mad, so upset, I ran away from Him. This person that I lost was not blood relation, so that's where we differ, but he was my father figure and I needed him, or thought I did due to the fact that my dad was a dead beat father, abusive, alcoholic and absent. I saw this man as my dad. He raised me, taught me how to play games and to be a tom-boy and I loved him more than I loved my own dad. And man, when God took him away from me right when things were getting really tough, I was pissed off at God. I was so mad. But you know what I came to realize? That it was ok. I had to go thru that. I had to deal with his death and had to deal with it in some way or another. As mad as I got at God, and boy did I get mad. There would be times when I would yell at him. I know it sounds crazy but I was seriously pissed off! And this lasted for a while. But it was ok. Because no matter how mad I got, He stayed right beside me. He held me when I wouldn't let anyone else comfort me. He was there with me when all I told everyone else is that I wanted to be alone. He would get mad with me and agree at how much it sucks that he had to die. But that was it, he had to. And the way I look at it now, is that I was leaning too much on Jack. Jack had become my father. He was my hero. He was my savior because he saved me from my own dad. And that's not the way it's supposed to be. God is supposed to be my daddy. And since I didn't have a good one, then God wanted to fill that hole in my heart, not someone else. I'm not saying that God is going to let die everyone that is special to you, but long after he died, i began to realize that I was being comforted with no one else around. I was having a good time, with no one else around, and I had someone to talk to that already knew every single thing about me, the good and the terrible and still loves me to this day and always has since before I was born. All God wants is for us to accept His love. accept his comfort and accept His son. And I can't think of another person or being that will love you despite what bad habits you(being a general term) have, despite what you did when you were a teen, despite what you have done and despite what you will do. He knows it all and loves us more than anything in this world.

I can't say I know what it is like to lose a mother or an actual father, but I do know what it is like to lose a daddy. It sucks. It's hard. and around fathers day and around this time every year I get depressed. I get upset. But God is there to comfort me. My hubby lets me talk to him about it. And this is still 5 years after his death. there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of Jack. He was my daddy. I miss him still and always will. But I do know that I will see him again one day. Because of the Prayer of Jabez. That little book changed his life and he accepted Christ about a month or two before he passed. And that comforts me as well. You will get thru this. It will take some time. A lot of time. And it will be hard. But just like I did, you will take something out of it. It will be a growing or shrinking experience, depending on how you handle it. It shrank me for probably a year before I turned it around and realized that God could use horrible events in our lives to make us grow. Just trust Him. it's the best thing I've ever done.

[Imapepper]

Jessi....that says it all. The thing about having a personal savior is that He is always with you. There is a comfort like nothing that can be explained with words when you realize that you are not alone and will always have that strength to get you through the bad times. I wake up every day thanking GOD for my salvation. Good post!

[jessi_s]

Jessi....that says it all. The thing about having a personal savior is that He is always with you. There is a comfort like nothing that can be explained with words when you realize that you are not alone and will always have that strength to get you through the bad times. I wake up every day thanking GOD for my salvation. Good post!

Thanks pepper. You know the point when you just start talking/typing and you don't even know where you are going with it. and then it all pulls together at the end? That's God. It's really hard for me to talk about Jack at this time because it's been 5 years this month. And my heart hurts. I hate that feeling. But it's part of my testimony, a big part of why I am who I am today.