11 Signs Your New Girlfriend May Be a Restraining Order Waiting to Happen

[Engelbert Humperdinck]

1. She looks into your eyes and says, "No one has ever made me feel quite the way you do." From across the ordering counter you respond, "Thanks. I'll have a venti machiatto, extra shot please."

2. While leaving the movie theater you hear someone shout, "150 yards *******it! 150 yards!" To your surprise she screams back, "Inadvertent contact, Bill! Inadvertent!"


3. Before you’re even home from your first date, she's left four voice mails, sent two text messages and called your best friend to ask where you're at.

4. When she smiles there's always lipstick on her teeth.


5. Ten minutes after sex she's picking out baby names.

6. The first time you meet her parents, you overhear her Dad mutter, "Poor bastard."


7. On your first date she tells her seven year old to call you Dad.

8. She threatens to beat your 66 year old secretary’s ass because she smiled at you.


9. She starts way too many sentences with, “My P.O. says…”

10. She has twelve tattoos, eleven of them covering up old boyfriends' names...poorly.


11. Her bathroom reading materials include the books 'Schizophrenia and You: a Biblical Solution' and 'Women Who Beat the Men Who Love Them'.

[Ted]

7. On your first date she tells her seven year old to call you Dad.Or -
The the po' little kid asks "Are you my new Daddy?" in front of about a half dozen people. :ohnoes: :oops:

[EricStratton]

Dang....I think I dated her...

[58ford]

My most recent x-girlfriend's two adult daughters both told me not to let her move in with me and her mother told me she wasn't getting me a Christmas present because she always waits til her daughter stays with a guy a year before wasting money on him. Did I take hint? Noooooooooo.
I asked her to move out in July, I couldn't get her out til October & she still breaks in the house & steals stuff.

[daisy]

I am still laughing.:bowrofl::bowrofl::bowrofl:

Years ago on the first and last date with a guy as we were sitting on my couch chatting before going to dinner, my doorbell rang. I opened it to find a taller and bigger girl than I.She asked if my date, her ex boyfriend was there. I told him and he went out and spoke to her. I was stunned and knew that date was starting out too scary and weird for me.

He said she followed him everywhere. I went on the date and the whole time, I was looking over my shoulder for her.

It was funny in a way.

[Honey]

Ford and Daisy that is scary. Ford change your locks.

[proudtobefrompetal]

I work with someone who totally does 10 of these 11. :ohnoes:

[Ted]

I work with someone who totally does 10 of these 11. :ohnoes:Ya gonna tell 'er about #11??? :laugh: heh heh heh


Who, besides me, could add to the list?? :-D

[thrillseeker]

That is just too scary. I agree with Honey. Change them locks man. Dont let her steal anything else.

[58ford]

I changed the locks. She pries open windows & sh!t, I mean she literally "breaks" in. & she steals shit out of the garage & stuff. I know it's her but I get her arrested unless I've got a witness or they can find stolen stuff at her house.

[Honey]

You need a camera Ford. One that turns on when someone enters the room.

[Honey]

Maybe they are call nanny cams.

[Ted]

I changed the locks. She pries open windows & sh!t, I mean she literally "breaks" in. & she steals shit out of the garage & stuff. I know it's her but I get her arrested unless I've got a witness or they can find stolen stuff at her house.Damn! That sucks!!
I ain't noticed 'er around but now that I'm aware of it I'll pay closer attention.
Let Betsy know. She'll help ya. She's in and out all day but she's home more than anyone else.
I'll mention it to her the next time I see her.

[ComputerDude]

I changed the locks. She pries open windows & sh!t, I mean she literally "breaks" in. & she steals shit out of the garage & stuff. I know it's her but I get her arrested unless I've got a witness or they can find stolen stuff at her house.If only there was a police officer on this forum you can ask for help from.
Hmmmm......:laugh::kekeke:;)

[No-Halo]

If only there was a police officer on this forum you can ask for help from.
Hmmmm......:laugh::kekeke:;)
Yes, if only...