Earl Thomas Conley Doesn't Know Squat!

[lamarrebel]

One of Earl Thomas Conley's greatest classics was the song "The Hardest Thing I Ever Had to Do" about the quandary of choosing between two women. Today, I did something far more devestating -- I used my past years of experience as a divorce lawyer to draw up and file Pro Se, my own fault based complaint for divorce against the only woman I have ever truly loved. Even worse, yesterday was our seventh wedding anniversary.

This was the last thing I have ever wanted to do, and other than to say I believe I have scriptural (and legal) grounds for my action, I do not want to bash my wife on here, as tempting as that may be. Nothing hurts worse than being kicked when you are down by one's who are supposed to love you.

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

[EricStratton]

shit

[OTM]

Holy crap. That sux. Keep your head up Dale.

[kevin]

Sorry to hear that things are so dark for you right now! It will get better and perhaps you and your wife can talk and work things out.

[lamarrebel]

I've all but decided to enlist in the Army (not MS Army National Guard) active duty and shoot to serve 20 years and draw retirement. With all the hurt I feel, I think I need to start over completely somewhere else. And maybe someday, I'll grow a heart again.

[Bahlk]

Damn...keep your head up and it'll get better

[Scarlett O'Hara]

Thinking of you!

[countrygirl]

Saying a prayer for you. Please try not to be bitter, especially if you have children...and don't be negative towards your wife...you're only hurting the kids if you do. I've seen several folks that should have promising futures become bitter and just throw it all away after things go bad. It only hurts folks more...Take care, and try counting your blessings.

[kevin]

Dale, I'm going through a divorce myself and I do know what it's like to feel betrayed by the person you hold most dear. It's very hard to accept the whole finality of the end of a marriage. I'm having to do this now. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

[SoMissTV]

Sorry to hear it, but I'm not sure this is something you should be posting here...

[lamarrebel]

We had no children naturally of our own, but since age three when we got married, I have loved and raised my stepdaughter as my own. When she left to go see her grandparents a few weeks ago, I cried my eyes out in fear that I might never see her again. Little has brought me greater joy than all the mornings when she was smaller that I would walk her to her classroom at OGLE while holding her little hand(the old school) and talk with her in the car along the way. I will always cherish those memories, but now I must face never being able to see her become grown.

[lamarrebel]

SoMiss just likes to give me fits, sometimes, as he does Aaron and others. I've learned to take it with a grain of salt.

[onlyme]

I am sorry. Please, don't do anything rash. Sit back, think things over and make rational, educated decisions. Again, I don't think that joining the Armed Forces - and going the "regular" route at that - is a wise choice at this time. You cannot run away from your problems, they will find you no matter where you go and you don't want to add more to them. Resolve one thing at a time, otherwise you will get overwhelmed by everything ( it does seem as if it is already happening ) and nothing will come out right. Good luck to you.

[TheKing]

im going to disagree with onlyme...

sometimes... you just gotta have a change...

a complete change.

and right now man... the military sounds like it would be a big help there...

or the peace corps

or you could become mormon and have them send you on your 2 year 'mission'

but the military sounds good... id probably consider it if i were in your position

[dollfus46]

shit
Noun or verb?:smt102

[dollfus46]

Sorry to hear that things are so dark for you right now! It will get better and perhaps you and your wife can talk and work things out.
Once an attorney is involved, reconciliation is out of the question. They don't get paid then.

[dollfus46]

Sorry to hear it, but I'm not sure this is something you should be posting here...
This is where I'd come for consolation. Good people here with his best interests at heart.

[EricStratton]

I've all but decided to enlist in the Army (not MS Army National Guard) active duty and shoot to serve 20 years and draw retirement. With all the hurt I feel, I think I need to start over completely somewhere else. And maybe someday, I'll grow a heart again.

I would think long and hard about this, Dale....You're dealing with a lot of crap right now, and enlisting in the Army shouldn't be a knee-jerk decision.....I don't wanna see you go all Leonard Lawrence....

If I were you, I'd get myself "back to neutral" before I did that.....With the way our government is treating our armed forces these days, I would be damned sure this was really what I wanted to do...

Take care of yourself.....a job is just a job.....as bad as things are right now, things will take an upward swing for you eventually.....

[carsalesguy]

i agree with stratton.

you sell anything yet

[Hermione]

Dale, this time I agree with SoMiss. You share an awful lot of personal stuff on the internet, and sometimes that's not the wisest thing to do. This is a truly awful time for you and and we all feel for you, but please . . . do be careful.

[countrygirl]

The military might be the best thing for him right now...maybe some discipline there as well as something to keep him busy so as not to feel sorry for himself. It has straightened quite a few boys out.

[Ted]

I would think long and hard about this, Dale....You're dealing with a lot of crap right now, and enlisting in the Army shouldn't be a knee-jerk decision.....I don't wanna see you go all Leonard Lawrence....

If I were you, I'd get myself "back to neutral" before I did that.....With the way our government is treating our armed forces these days, I would be damned sure this was really what I wanted to do...

Take care of yourself.....a job is just a job.....as bad as things are right now, things will take an upward swing for you eventually.....Ditto on all that.

I especially got to thinking, just now after reading this, about the general disregard our previous Commander in Chief appeared to have for our troops. Considering that point alone I'd wait until after the election and then decide.
Mark Twain once wrote "It's easier to stay out than to get out."
I've found that to be one of those rare few 'fundamental truths' that is consistently dependable. ;)

Another thought - consider the other branches of the military (http://www.iseek.org/sv/10013.jsp).
My suggested first choices, in no particular order, would be Air Force, Navy or Coast Guard.

Dale,
Whatever your decision, I wish you the best. :smt001

[EricStratton]

The military might be the best thing for him right now...maybe some discipline there as well as something to keep him busy so as not to feel sorry for himself. It has straightened quite a few boys out.

He doesn't need to be "straightened out".....he's not a dope head or a juvenile delinquent (as far as I know).....

[Tully Mars]

Dale,

You and I have certainly had our differences here. In fact, for a couple of conservatives we have probably disagreed more than we have agreed on anything. All differences aside I want to tell you that I am truly sorry for all that you are going through right now. I know that in dark times it is difficult to see how things can possibly swing your way but let me assure you that they will.

I don't even know if advise is appropriate at this stage of the game for you but nevertheless, I would echo what many have said here. Change can certainly be a good thing to put you in the right direction but just be carefull that you are making decisions based on a well thought out strategy. If there is anything that I can do for you...be it a reference, a referral or whatever, you know how to get in touch with me.

Take care and keep your chin up.

[Kitty]

Collectively, you have endured a lot in the last year (no need to restate any of it here). I am sorry to hear of this latest development.

I hope you think long and hard before making a decision on the military as your option for "starting over."

That's a big decision not easily undone.

As I've said before, you have a real opportunity to make a fresh start.

Take some time before making a decision you might later regret.

[Maggie-Doodle]

Dale, I am so sorry that you are having so many problems at this time. I will pray that things work out for you. Perhaps you and your wife can work things out. Just pray about the situation.

I wish you the best in your career, whatever you may decide to choose. You are a smart man and you can do whatever you make your mind up to do. Just stay focused and continue to pray for the strength to make the right decisions. Whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP! It is always darkest before dawn! Good luck!

[Conveyor Belt]

In 20 years, we'll see Dale run for office again with the 'Military Experience' highlighted on his push card.

Good luck Dale. I think I may have made a similar decision as you... or else I'd have gone to Key West for a few months and lived on the beach there...

[onlyme]

The military might be the best thing for him right now...maybe some discipline there as well as something to keep him busy so as not to feel sorry for himself. It has straightened quite a few boys out.

They'll keep him busy, no doubt, but they will also ship him off to Iraq or Afghanistan as soon as basic training is done. There is no need for "straightening out" here and adding the stress and possible trauma of a ( or, more likely, multiple ) deployments to already existing major problems could cause a total meltdown. I support all troops but I don't think that anyone should enlist because of money or personal issues. I have seen too many seemingly strong men and women lose it completely in the last few years. Attempted - and, unfortunately sometimes successful - suicide attempts, fatal accidents due to lack of concentration and worries, spousal abuse due to PTSD etc. This is not the Boy Scouts and the public is not aware of what is often going on behind closed doors. If one wants to enlist because of a strong sense of patriotism, sense of duty, belief in the system, then I am all for it. Don't do it though because you need to get away from something. That's like getting married to a stranger just so you can leave your parent's house - not likely to end well.

[OTM]

They'll keep him busy, no doubt, but they will also ship him off to Iraq or Afghanistan as soon as basic training is done. There is no need for "straightening out" here and adding the stress and possible trauma of a ( or, more likely, multiple ) deployments to already existing major problems could cause a total meltdown. I support all troops but I don't think that anyone should enlist because of money or personal issues. I have seen too many seemingly strong men and women lose it completely in the last few years. Attempted - and, unfortunately sometimes successful - suicide attempts, fatal accidents due to lack of concentration and worries, spousal abuse due to PTSD etc. This is not the Boy Scouts and the public is not aware of what is often going on behind closed doors. If one wants to enlist because of a strong sense of patriotism, sense of duty, belief in the system, then I am all for it. Don't do it though because you need to get away from something. That's like getting married to a stranger just so you can leave your parent's house - not likely to end well.That may all be true, but he wouldn't be enlisting like a kid out of highschool. He is a attorney and would be able to go to OCS and then to the JAG program.

[onlyme]

That may all be true, but he wouldn't be enlisting like a kid out of highschool. He is a attorney and would be able to go to OCS and then to the JAG program.

Perhaps. His current legal troubles may be a problem though.

[lamarrebel]

I've talked about that...once reinstated I should go straight to the JAG Corp which would make me an O-3 (Captain). To put in perspective, that is only four ranks below a Brigidier General (one star).

If anyone has ever read Joe Klein (Anonymous's) book Primary Colors,on page 17, when then the narrator (campaign aid Henry Burton) first meets Susan Stanton, the wife of fictional Presidential candidate and philandering Southern small state Democratic Governor Jack Stanton (sound familiar?). she tells hims "Jack Stanton could also be a great man...if he weren't such a faithless, thoughtless, disorganized, undisciplined shi@t." I've sometimes felt those words on a different scale could well apply to me.

I'm not trying to be immodest, but when I have been at my best I been able to accomplish at least a few pretty remarkable things. Like going to Ole Miss without a car and not dressing like the perfect little Ole Miss prep and becoming the first non-Greek to win a campuswide election in fifteen years and serving on the Senate three times. Or going to law school without a car and working odd jobs and donating plasma to get by, and coming back from the plasma donor center one day to learn I'd been elected Student Body President -- and then seeing my best friend of many years elected to succeed me. Or coming here after barely two years and gaining the respect and trust of the Lamar GOP to becoming its chairman -- or my work during the school bond. Those are things I am and will always be very proud of.

But, the one lacking ingredient has often been discipline, and that's a major incentive for me to enter military service -- besides the two reasons of wanting to serve and to redeem. I've allowed negative things in my life become as one friend descirbed it "five hundred pound slabs of concrete tied around my neck." Particularly after the special election, I was weak when I should have been stronger -- and still to an extent now.

I don't want the old "me" back. I want to find an even better me and go forward, and the mental and emotional strength to do it alone, if I have to.

[Hermione]

I've talked about that...once reinstated I should go straight to the JAG Corp which would make me an O-3 (Captain), only four ranks. To put in perspective, that is only four ranks below a Brigidier General (one star).


You've said this before. However, the military doesn't look at Captains as "only four ranks below etc" as if that meant anything. It's more like "only one rank above lieutenant" if anything. As you advance, the jump from one rank to the next gets harder and harder. There are a lot more retired Majors than there are retired Colonels.

[Fish-Bait]

I wish you the best man. I feel your pain.

[jkspatty]

I'm sorry to hear about you recent troubles. Life is crazy, but your attitude will make or break you. The best advice I can offer is listen to yourself. No one knows you or cares as much about you as YOU. When you take responsibility and control over your own life, with a positive outlook you can shake off the failures and disappointments and make your life what you want it to be. There will be naysayers and thiose who try to make you feel like crap about things, don't give them the time of day. Listen to yourself. Good Luck!

[threekidspa]

You've said this before. However, the military doesn't look at Captains as "only four ranks below etc" as if that meant anything. It's more like "only one rank above lieutenant" if anything. As you advance, the jump from one rank to the next gets harder and harder. There are a lot more retired Majors than there are retired Colonels.

I agree. The road from O-3 to 0-7 is a lot longer and more difficult than the road from O-1 to 0-3.

[sackett22]

Sorry to hear the news. Unfortunately if your over 35 your too old to enlist in the military. BUt if your younger good luck, I would try the Air Force though, better use of your skills.

[Natural Sunshine]

Take your time....get to know you....don't make any "quick" decisions, and PRAY.

[onlyme]

I've talked about that...once reinstated I should go straight to the JAG Corp which would make me an O-3 (Captain). To put in perspective, that is only four ranks below a Brigidier General (one star).



Wrong attitude and perception already.....
Good luck anyways.

[Conveyor Belt]

I've talked about that...once reinstated I should go straight to the JAG Corp which would make me an O-3 (Captain). To put in perspective, that is only four ranks below a Brigidier General (one star).


Most of us are one national vote away from the presidency.

[Hermione]

I'm sorry to sound like I'm giving him a hard time about that remark, but it struck me as very unusual. I've been married to the service and most of the men in my family have been in the service (and my first mother-in-law was a Navy nurse), and that's the first time I've ever heard anything like that.

Edit: come to think of it, they bounce nurses and doctors up to captain pretty fast too.

[lamarrebel]

I want to serve my country, and many ways I think things would have turned out differently for me had I entered military service when i got out of high school. However, it was 1991, and all we were hearing was the "new world order" and shades of Neville Chamberlain's "peace in our time". I had scholarships paying virtually everything for college, and I jumped.

I want to find the fire in my belly that I somewhere lost -- the idealism, innocense and gumption that I had in 1991 when I put up signs that sign "Give 'Em Hell, Vote for Dale" and beat 7 frat pledges an ASB Senate seat (I still hear that one when I see Ole Miss friends). But I want the maturity and discipline to channel it towards the greatest good, and find redemption and renewal for myself. With everything that has happened, I need a fresh start...and away from here.

Sitting at Jack Lucas' funeral on Monday, made me think even more about the call of duty. I don't want to die in battle, and frankly don't think I'd be sent on the front lines because of age and education, but I am certainly prepared to if duty calls, and pray that I'd have half the courage he did.

Whether my call is to be a Staff Sergeant, Captain in the JAG Corp or rise to be a one star general, I want to serve in the best way I can, in whatever capacity I can. I've largely lived for myself for too long 9wtih some notable exceptions), and it is time to truly give something back.

[countrygirl]

I think you need to remember what is important in life....and to me family and children and those that we love are important. Quit trying to hoist yourself up and remember those that you love and what is important to them...

[lamarrebel]

After listening to my wife again tonight, it is clear I no longer have a family...other than my mother and brother who are each many hundreds of miles away. I have only myself, and now really have only my life, if need be, left to offer.

[PalominofillyinMS]

Lamar Rebel, You sound like you're depressed. I think that you should see a couselor to work through your feelings on all that has happened to you lately. You really should not be making any big life-altering decisions right now. Tak a step back, take a deep breath, & look deep inside yourself & figure out what is going to make you happy. Good luck & God bless.

[mac]

Lamar Rebel, You sound like you're depressed. I think that you should see a couselor to work through your feelings on all that has happened to you lately. You really should not be making any big life-altering decisions right now. Tak a step back, take a deep breath, & look deep inside yourself & figure out what is going to make you happy. Good luck & God bless.

I'll second that. Dude, you got in trouble, your wife left, and shit's falling apart. Not to sound harsh, and I know it's hard, but you're not the first person to go through this, and many people come out better on the other end and are (dare I say it) even grateful for the experience once the pain subsides. I'm not going to claim to know what's best for you, but common sense tells me you probably do not need to go throw yourself into a damn war right now.

[EricStratton]

I'm seriously worried about you, dale....I hope you'll heed my advice and the advice of many others and take the time to take care of yourself.....

If you need money, hell I'll send you some...I ain't got much, but I'd pay you not to go to the Army on a whim...

[onlyme]

I want to serve my country, and many ways I think things would have turned out differently for me had I entered military service when i got out of high school. However, it was 1991, and all we were hearing was the "new world order" and shades of Neville Chamberlain's "peace in our time". I had scholarships paying virtually everything for college, and I jumped.

I want to find the fire in my belly that I somewhere lost -- the idealism, innocense and gumption that I had in 1991 when I put up signs that sign "Give 'Em Hell, Vote for Dale" and beat 7 frat pledges an ASB Senate seat (I still hear that one when I see Ole Miss friends). But I want the maturity and discipline to channel it towards the greatest good, and find redemption and renewal for myself. With everything that has happened, I need a fresh start...and away from here.

Sitting at Jack Lucas' funeral on Monday, made me think even more about the call of duty. I don't want to die in battle, and frankly don't think I'd be sent on the front lines because of age and education, but I am certainly prepared to if duty calls, and pray that I'd have half the courage he did.

Whether my call is to be a Staff Sergeant, Captain in the JAG Corp or rise to be a one star general, I want to serve in the best way I can, in whatever capacity I can. I've largely lived for myself for too long 9wtih some notable exceptions), and it is time to truly give something back.

The one thing that you really need right now is a reality check and possibly some medical help. You don't want to die in battle but in the midst of two wars you are ready to enlist? You think your education is going to protect you? Rise to be a one star general ( why stop there.....we haven't had a 5-star in a while )? All that while dwelling on some college events from 17 years ago/ Life goes on and you will go on with it but you are in for an even harder fall than you have already experienced if you don't wake up soon.

[marion]

I want to serve in the best way I can, in whatever capacity I can. I've largely lived for myself for too long 9wtih some notable exceptions), and it is time to truly give something back.

Don't forget that there are MANY ways to give back. You mentioned teaching before, that's just one way. Some of the best teachers I've had were men who had other careers and decided to teach much later in life. I learned much more from them than just what's in books.

Regardless, one day you'll look back and realize you're now a better, stronger person from all this. There are things in my life that I wish had never happened, but if they hadn't, I would be missing out on so much now, including my career choice and the church.

Hang in there......

[lamarrebel]

Guys..I am hopeful the money situation is about to improve...though I REALLY do need to sell that furniture! I am starting two jobs, one selling insurance by day and the second working at a local family chain restaurant on nights and weekends. Probably looking at a lot of hours, but I'm going to do right now what I have to do. The first job is pure commission (but a very good commission), so I am certainly nervous at the outset.

I'll be out of training in both by early next week...so msg me, and I'll tell you where I am or about insurance policies.

[Kitty]

I recommend you find out what courses you would need to take in order to teach at the college level. Remember in another thread I said you are required to have a master's degree and a minimum of 18 graduate hours in the academic discipline you wish to teach. (I'm not sure how this works if the degree is a JD instead of a master's.)

Be careful not to romanticize the idea of military service. I'm afraid your view is more idealistic than realistic, and serving in the military, particularly during a war, may not be the best option for you.

Teaching is a wonderful way to "give back." As others have said, some of the best teachers at the college level are those who can bring real world applications and experiences to the classroom.

[fuzzis]

Be careful not to romanticize the idea of military service. I'm afraid your view is more idealistic than realistic, and serving in the military, particularly during a war, may not be the best option for you.


Thanks for this Kitty. You put the thoughts I've been having for the last couple of days into words.

[marion]

You also might want to check this out. I did it, but it's not for you if you have LOTS of bills. You'd still be serving your country (that's why they are called Volunteers in Service to America), giving back, making a difference, getting away from here for a while, have time to think about things, and if you don't like it, you can quit after a year (unlike the military). You can even get money for college courses, although I think it's limited to certain colleges now. It's also incredibly humbling and it will totally change your way of thinking. Just check out the website. If you have any question, pm me.

www.americorps.org (http://www.americorps.org)

[CircusRide]

To start, you need to stop listening to depressing old country music.

[Pirate_129]

Dale, we've not seen eye to eye on lots of things, but I am going to impart one piece of advice here and not get into any other opinions.

Be very wary of a recruiter telling you to just sign up and they'll get you into JAG as soon as you get your issue resolved. I would truly hate for you to join under the impression you'd become a JAG officer within a couple of months and end up an E-5 walking an infantry patrol in the desert. Recruiters have a job to do and that job is to get you to enlist. There's been many an infantryman that swears they'll be doing something else soon.

If serving in any capacity needed is your call, by all means follow it and thank you for doing it. But as so many have pointed out, don't let ideas and fantasies take you down a road you'll regret.

I hope things work out for you, but re-read this thread fully. There is a great deal of good advice in it. I only hope you can see this advice and choose to follow it. :smt023

[lamarrebel]

I appreciate the advice, but with my ASVAB score, I have the option of choosing training for any job in the military, and obviously, I will look to choose a less dangerous option. If I'm not an officer by the end of my original enlistment, then I certainly have the option of then getting out and going back to the civilian world.

Seriously, I don't listen to that much sad old country music (though I did sing Mickey Gilley's Urban Cowboy classic "Here Comes The Hurt Again" recently)....just Earl Thomas Conley (who I saw at dive called Gilley's outside of Vaiden, Mississippi in late 2000), came to mind when I was thinking about how agonizing it was to type those papers on Tuesday. No one wants to have to use their training and expertise against someone they have loved for many years.

One correction, the Earl Thomas Conley song I have referred to was entitled "Holding Her and Loving You".

[Kitty]

I appreciate the advice, but with my ASVAB score, I have the option of choosing training for any job in the military, and obviously, I will look to choose a less dangerous option. If I'm not an officer by the end of my original enlistment, then I certainly have the option of then getting out and going back to the civilian world.

Are you sure a high ASVAB score guarantees you the option of choosing training for any job in the military?

I know someone who enlisted in the Air Force and was guaranteed training to become an air traffic controller, only to be told he would be sent for law enforcement training.

Just keep in mind that military recruiters are salesmen.

[onlyme]

I appreciate the advice, but with my ASVAB score, I have the option of choosing training for any job in the military, and obviously, I will look to choose a less dangerous option. If I'm not an officer by the end of my original enlistment, then I certainly have the option of then getting out and going back to the civilian world.


I assume you are familiar with the IRR and stop-loss? As far as picking your own job and assignment: in the last 24 years we have never gotten our first pick off the " dream sheet", the wish list for the next assignment. There are no guarantees in the military other than the guarantee that you cannot plan anything in advance.

[TheKing]

very true...

i scored sky high on that asvab when i was in high school and they offered me the pick of the litter... but i knew they were FOS.

Your legal training may get you a little discretion from the decider but i dont think you truly get to pick what it is you want to do and thats final.

basically dude... do whatever you think the right thing to do is and everybody else here be damned...

that being said... when you asked for opinions our put yourself out here to be judged... thats exactly what is happening

[Hermione]

I As far as picking your own job and assignment: in the last 24 years we have never gotten our first pick off the " dream sheet", the wish list for the next assignment. There are no guarantees in the military other than the guarantee that you cannot plan anything in advance.

:laugh: Ain't it so! After Camille, first husband went to SE Asia for 15 mos. When he was putting in for a new stateside base he basically told them "anywhere but near the ocean" -- we were even willing to go to Minot! Where did they send us?
Homestead FL.

[XC9]

Recruiters are just what their title states. That is their job, like a fisherman, it doesn't matter how, just get them in here. Be very weary of this. You have 2 jobs now, so take time and make no hasty decisions for many more months. You are not thinking level headed right now-even if you think you are-YOU ARE NOT! Do the two new jobs you have now and stuff will start falling back into place for you. Give it a little time please.